The Hell Of It All: "James Bond's Receipts" by Armando Iannucci 
- Small Moroccan marketplace destroyed. Thirteen chipped jugs and smashed shelving unit. Fifteen geese escaped from wicker basket: £350
- £433,000 gambled in South African casino to lure blackjack enthusiast into giving me secret code to rocket-launcher: £433,000, plus £3 entry fee.
- Funeral arrangements for thirty-three men: £23,000
- Counselling services for ninety-two children, and widows of thirty-three men: £2600
- Memorial service for man eaten by shark: £3000
- Aids test: £100
- Speeding ticket, Lisbon: £40
- Destruction of Lisbon: £3 billion
- Use of thirteen snowploughs to tidy up ski slope, Lausanne, after chase: £56,043
- Cost of lifting snowplough from bottom of seabed (see my PA for explanation: it’s quite complicated): £23,000
- Cost of removing a further three snowploughs from the Moon: £4 billion
- Small operation on groin: £450 (covered by private health insurance)
- Damage to jumbo-jet window: £23
- Loss of jumbo-jet: £49 million (may be able to include window-damage cost in this)
- I left three grappling hooks on the side of a building somewhere in New Delhi: £45 each. Can’t remember where because it was dark.
- Loss of night-sight goggles: £670
- Repair to buckled Corby trouser press after being used to fry arm of hotel-room intruder: £34
- Replacement of small glass tumbler used to house toothbrush and razor in hotel bathroom; accidentally dropped as I fumbled in the night to switch a light on only to find the bulb was broken and has blown a fuse: £3.50. (I have subsequently taken this up with the hotel manager and he’s likely to waive the charge.
